There’s that saying ‘Do not go to bed angry’. It’s great advice in general for the peace-keepers who just can’t function if there is tension in the room. Tension between people can sometimes be very overwhelming. In one other incident recently, I felt so overwhelmed I felt like I either needed to cry, pray profusely or make an awkward abrupt joke to diffuse tension. We all know that if you sweep enough dust under the carpet, someone will eventually step on it and POOF! out comes a dust bomb, so it’s best to address it promptly. But that said, I did it, I went to bed angry and upset.
Going to bed with a myriad of emotions and thoughts usually makes for colourful dreams that leave your brain feeling rather unrested the next morning. What is the point of sleep when you don’t actually rest?
I was disappointed because I was excited to share about my day with the husband that came home 3 hours too late. I was upset because he didn’t tell me earlier to adjust my expectations. I was angry because He didn’t do much other than apologise briefly (note that apologising briefly doesn’t not fit into any of the categories of the 5 love languages).
I was glad he was alright and that he was doing something he loves and finds great purpose in. I was happy that he could understand why I was upset and had tried. I was thankful that he was could finally lay his work down and get some well deserved rest.
I held it. With some self-control. My brain was happy but my heart was sad. What do I do? Sleep angry.
In the best case scenario, when the rationale triumphs over emotion, it usually feels self-sacrificial and generous. When emotion triumphs over the mind, it usually feels real and authentic. In this case, I couldn’t quite bring myself to either side because there just wasn’t the time and space to at 2am in the morning and sleep is of great importance.
Like my nephew who threw a tantrum the previous morning and cried until he was just so tired and exhausted, I let the emotion run through my system and slept it off. (it took a while… and physically and dramatically, my body was warm with anger yet cold with the emotional distance, making for a very uncomfortable sleep. I laid on the floor a while.)
We talked about it the next morning, say a mildly sulky prayer together and hug. We begin a new day (: