I ended up in communication studies by process of elimination, it wasn’t something that I sought to do to achieve an end goal, it was merely a tolerable choice. I never saw myself as a dreamer either, I made life choices with a list of pros and cons based on my selfish satisfactions. These days, I can’t imagine what my life would be if I didn’t take Communications in university. Would I be a happy engineer? A zealous businesswoman? And what would life be if I didn’t have these random ideas and inspirations that seem beyond myself? Good thing God is a much better planner than I am.
When I quit my job to work in the church, the assumption most people made is that my job would automatically be much more meaningful and fulfilling compared to my normal corporate job. Half of me disagrees because all jobs can be meaningful, it depends on what the company does and what you make of unfavourable situations, but the other half of me agrees with that expectation, and I feel the disappointment when I don’t feel a sense of fulfillment after two weeks at work. Why doesn’t it feel less like toil and more like passion? How am I integrating my Christian life more? How is this job any different from the last?
Perhaps I’m being impatient with the fruits here.:\
There are days at 7pm when I refuse to look at my laptop or open programs I use for work, I don’t even want to touch or be reminded I have a phone. It is easy to compartmentalize and look at work as something functional and something that pays the bills; it doesn’t have to be fulfilling, it just needs to help keep the economy running. #survival. Some friends commented that it is a brave choice to leave the conventional route but I felt far from feeling confident and brave. It just feels… necessary. I jumped off a cliff because it just felt… best. But if I don’t feel fulfilled now, how can I be sure I made a right choice?
To be honest, and as always, I’m not even sure whether it’s God’s call or my own desires taking the wheel. I console myself by telling myself this job might only be for a year, I can always choose otherwise. The more I think about it though, the clearer it seems that this is the path I am meant to walk, based on the affirmations, shared dreams and the ‘rare’ moments I try very hard not to cry.
One night, I woke up at 3am, fresh from my sleep cycle but reluctant to start a new day. I laid on my bed thinking about the creative arts in the Church in Singapore. I rolled along with an idea of a creative platform and came up with a rough proposal -name, logo, tagline, logistics and all. I wanted to sleep but the darkness of my room proved to be a great canvas for my mind to scribble on. I shared my idea with several people to ‘sanity-check’ and grew more affirmed when people heaved a sigh of relief upon hearing it. It’s hard not to feel excited about something I can visualise so clearly. 😀
I’ve also been journeying with a bunch (called burning bush) who have been exploring these ideas of creativity, arts and craftsmanship. Sessions aren’t only music+speech+reflection, you don’t have to be a musician or a speaker, sessions can be about connecting to God is other creative ways like silence or body movement or moulding clay or relating to nature. It’s not just about having outlets, creativity is also needed in the entire process in developing works of art, in discerning the spirit of creativity and how prayer truly inspires moments of grace and beauty. After all, God is a magnificent creator himself.
The Church is all about communication. I didn’t think it was that important until I realized how much I did not know (content) and how bad an evangeliser I was (form). We have so much to say, a lot more meaningful truth compared to the gazillion memes and motivational posters on the internet. We have so much to discuss, about social or ethical issues that we care about or can’t seem to make sense of. Unfortunately, we haven’t quite come together as one united voice and our self-righteousness some times pulls us to extremes and quick judgements.
So it’s exciting to try and bring people together as a community, to help people to understand and learn about the faith and also to empower them to reach out well. (PLUG: Disciples Making Disciples, SFX’s vision tagline thing) It sounds unfortunately generic but perhaps that shows just how broad the idea of communication is. In today’s world where opinion and information is easily and widely shared, effective communication rooted in the right spirit is desperately needed. I can say the right thing and I can speak the truth, but if i say it without love, it’s pretty much useless.
(I don’t think I’m very articulate or clear but I’m sure there will be clearer thoughts eventually, tip of the iceberg)
I shared a vision I had with Shaun just yesterday, that it is a privilege to be able to work with and lead a group of volunteers at church. In the corporate world, it’s politics because you impress the boss, you generally have a better time at work and promote faster. At church, no one owes me anything because I don’t pay you. These are people making donations of time, and to get people to do good work without compensation is very hard. (It’s the reason why I myself wanted to just be employed by the church instead of giving whatever time and energy I had leftover.) But how do I encourage and empower people to do good work for God? All I can do is to help make the processes easier and remind us all that it’s not just a poster, not just a bulletin, not just uploading images, but it is for the glory of God. I had to serve others.
“Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord, let it be done to me according to thy will”, the annunciation was my reflection reading yesterday and it was God’s message to me as to how I should go about this season when I feel bombarded by all the plans and ideas for now and for the future. In order for me to do all this amazing stuff he has laid out in front of me, I need simply just to serve God and do as he tells me, to just trust him.
*Thank you to the many friends (and the husband) for sharing in the dreams and helping me to keep hoping, to keep dreaming for a church that will be on fire for God. I would be even less confident if I didn’t recognize all this support and encouragement. Thank you and praise you God!
*Btw, am working as Parish Communication Officer at SFX (: