The Eulogy I’ll throw away everyday

As I listened to a eulogy today I thought to myself, if I passed away today, what would my eulogy say?

I recall thinking this to myself 11 years ago. I laugh now as I think how those thoughts made me feel so down and worthless. What if nobody really cared/ remembers? What if I didn’t live a fulfilling life? How could I be so mean to the people that I’m supposed to care about?

Having been through my own fathers funeral, my perspective seems to have changed completely since then. Unchained from the worldly standards and the pains that come with, I am full of joy when I face death/death-related questions. And as I hear the cries at the cremation today, it’s such stark contrast to my own disposition some 3 years ago. I was really very happy. Of course there is that ache somewhere but it comes and goes.

So like weddings, I sit at the pew and imagined my own funeral as one of joy, and freedom. It’s not like I want to die, but the thought of being that much closer to Jesus is quite exciting no? It’s like a change of state from water to vapour, I can’t wait to rise up.

Side note: I would like a joyous funeral. There is much to celebrate about life and Gods goodness.

So I’ll say a eulogy for myself tonight, and maybe every night after that. Proclaiming the awesome stuff in my day and the people that built me up till this day.

I’ll recall tiny precious moments that will never make it to the grand eulogy when I finally pass because it will all collapse into the statement:”jes has indeed led a full life, she had an adventure, it was all good”. We can’t suggest anything less than that honestly. Hope, is automatic at funerals.

Then I’ll throw it away with the sign of the cross the next morning because I’ve lived another day.

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